we need to drink 2009 down the drain
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
