I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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