need another drink. this is the easiest way
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i believe in u and ur pee
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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