I think I died a long time ago.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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