you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
