i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
