I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
