Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
