I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
