Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
