I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
