my room smells like sperm. sweet.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
