So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
