Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
