i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
