Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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