Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
