I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
