he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
