Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
