Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
