i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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