she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
