He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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