Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
