And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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