Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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