How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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