i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
foreskin is a definite game changer
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
