well I can't set my house on fire every night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
