you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
