It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
