Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
