I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
