I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
