A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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