One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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