Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
