At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
