k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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