you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
