About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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