her vagine was all disorganized.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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