Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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