If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
high people should be assigned attendants
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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