that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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