Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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