I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
