I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
