I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
