Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
