so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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