Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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