Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
a search helicopter?!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
